The Tortured Poet's Desperation

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There’s a Mitch Hedberg joke that’s been bouncing around my thoughts lately: “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be good as a wall.”

I heard it around the end of May, when Billie Eilish’s new album, Hit Me Hard and Soft, debuted at No. 2 on the Billboard 200.

In its first week of sales, HMHAS sold 339k “equivalent units,” that repulsive term that we’ve had to adopt since streaming fucked everything up. Her previous album, Happier Than Ever, moved 238k in its first week. Selling the equivalent of a third-of-a-million records in one week is pretty damn good and shows Eilish is still relevant to her generation.

Despite that success, Eilish couldn’t dethrone Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department.

Many assumed that HMHAS would get its turn at No. 1. Swift’s album shattered all sales records by moving 2.6 million units in its first week, but a month later, its momentum had slowed. It moved 282k the week before HMHAS’s release date.

But TTPD’s numbers suddenly rebounded. Skyrocketed. Soared. Swift’s album moved 378k units, preventing Eilish’s new album from debuting at No. 1—a feat she pulled off with her prior full-lengths, Happier Than Ever and When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?

The chart cuckoldry continued the following week. HMHAS moved 145k units, but TTPD moved 175k (earning it a sixth week atop the chart). TTPD continued its reign at No. 1 for two straight months, while Eilish’s album bounced around the Top 5.

At first glance it looks like Eilish was living out that joke: As good as Eilish was, she was facing Taylor Swift, whose utter dominance of the pop culture landscape made her as unbeatable as a wall playing tennis.

But the battle belies something more: a desperate attempt to maintain this image of success right before it all comes crashing down.

Eilish has a potential doubles partner in Charli XCX.

Charli’s brat arrived on June 7. Early predictions said it would debut at #4 on the Billboard 200, having moved over 60k units in its first week. This would be Charli’s best chart debut; her prior high mark was 2022’s Crash, which debuted at No. 7.

Over in Charli’s native U.K., brat debuted at No. 2, surprising many. Crash debuted at No. 1 in the U.K., and many assumed her new album would follow suit. Homefield advantage, after all. Plus, Charli’s new album had buzz, more than anyone else this year. The unstylish and unwashed masses—those who’d balk at sneaking into a Boiler Room set and pass on doing the sexy kind of drugs—were still compelled to check it out.

I was one of those rubes. brat is worth the hype: enchanting, oddly poignant, a reflective confessional wrapped in an unfulfilled longing to be an American Apparel ad girl on the back of The Onion circa 2004. It’s a perfect showcase of Charli’s attitude and charisma, and it quickly racked up accolades from the music press.

Pitchfork gave it an 8.6. The Guardian said it was five stars. Anthony Fantano, the “Internet’s Busiest Music Nerd,” gave it his first 10/10 of 2024 (the first perfect score he’s given in years). Though Charli proclaimed, “They don’t build statues of critics” in 2022, they were a unified choir singing her praises.

Yet, they were drowned out by the sound of the ball bouncing off the wall. Brat was good, but not good enough. Charli’s new album moved 82,000 equivalent units to debut at No. 3, behind Eilish’s Hit Me Hard and Soft.

At the top at No. 1? Taylor Swift.

In its first week, TTPD broke all sorts of records. Anticipation and pre-orders for the new album were astronomical, resulting in a staggering 2.6 million units moved in its first seven days. As expected, those numbers dropped in the following week, save for when it blocked Hit Me Hard and Soft from debuting at No. 1.

On the night before HMHAS’s release, Swift’s team announced that fans could purchase three limited digital versions of TTPD, each containing a different “first draft voice memo”—aka demos—of a song: “The Black Dog,” “Cassandra,” and “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?”

On May 23, six days after Eilish’s album drop and the last day for that week’s chart consideration, Swift’s team listed digital versions of TTPD that included live versions of “loml,” “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys,” and “The Alchemy x Treacherous Mashup,” all taken from her Paris Eras Tour stops.

Six editions of The Tortured Poets Department, each with a different bonus track. This obvious ploy to boost sales worked. TTPD sold 118k more units than the week before, keeping her album at no. 1.

Eilish’s camp tried its best, rolling out a limited “Sped Up” and “Slowed & Reverb” edition of HMHAS as a digital download in that first week of sales. Her store also listed a digital version of HMHAS that included her isolated vocals. It was all in vain.

Such sales tomfoolery is not new, nor is it exclusive to Swift or Eilish. This shit happens all the time. Artists used to inflate their numbers by handing out copies of their albums with “fan bundle” sales – buy a t-shirt, get a digital copy of the new LP—until Billboard changed its rules in 2020. The goal back then was to reduce the gamification of album sales. Of course, it hasn’t completely worked.

Gamification played into the perceived Eilish/Swift rivalry. In March, Eilish spoke with Billboard about trying to be more ecologically sustainable with her physical albums. Eilish wanted to reduce her carbon footprint with Hit Me Hard and Soft, and she raged over how “some of the biggest artists in the world making fucking 40 different vinyl packages that have a different unique thing just to get you to keep buying more. It’s so wasteful.”

Eilish hated how the music industry was still at a point where they were putting out future food for landfills while caring “about your numbers and…making money.” She didn’t name anyone in particular, pointing out that “all your favorite artists are doing that shit.”

Some fans thought Eilish was sneak-dissing Swift. TTPD was fresh on everyone’s minds; she had announced it a month earlier and began rolling it out by announcing the four different variants, each with a unique bonus song.

The media pounced. Swift had become great article fodder, and suddenly, there was a potential Eilish-Swift feud. They found Swifties arguing that Eilish was of course talking about Swift and ran the posts.

Eilish clarified that her comments were not about a single artist but about an “industry-wide” issue.

It should be noted that Eilish released different-colored variants of HMHAS, with a distinct color for each retail outlet (Target, Walmart, Amazon, Urban Outfitters, and independent record stores). However, each copy contained the same songs, offering no incentive to buy them outside of color/store preference. Charli also had multiple variants of brat for sale on vinyl and CD (including the “deluxe” edition she put out, appropriately called brat and it’s the same but there’s three more songs so it’s not).

Adding fuel to this potential rivalry, Eilish went on the Stationhead app in May and dismissed the idea of doing a 3-hour show with her upcoming world tour. The notion of performing that long was “psychotic” to her and “as a fan…I’m not trying to hear [my favorite artist] for three hours.”

It didn’t take long for the media to pick up this and run with a story of a potential feud. They found those tweets or messages of Swifties jumping to the conclusion that Eilish was of course talking about Swift (since Eras Tours shows were, on average, three hours long.)

So, when presented with six new versions of the album they already owned, a dedicated Swiftie might not object to shelling out an additional $40 if it were to keep a perceived rival from interrupting TTPD’s run at the top.

Part of me doubts that Swift’s machinations to keep Eilish out of the No. 1 spot are personal. The recent two-part docuseries Taylor Swift vs. Scooter Braun: Bad Blood attempted to reinforce the idea that Swift is not above holding a grudge over the slightest offenses. I suspect there’s a greater insecurity behind these moves than a few offhanded comments.

Charli also couldn’t avoid the gossip undertow. On June 13, the final day of chart consideration, Swift announced she was releasing those versions of TTPD that included the (Live from Paris) and First Draft Phone Memos. UK fans could now buy her album on her UK store.

Why would Swift want to block Charli? Fans suspect that Charli alluded to Swift on brat with “Sympathy is a Knife.” The two women were briefly in each other’s orbit when Swift dated The 1975’s Matty Healy (and Charli is engaged to the band’s drummer, George Daniel). In the song’s second verse, Charli sings, “Don't wanna see her backstage at my boyfriend's show / Fingers crossed behind my back / I hope they break up quick.”

There’s also an instance in 2019 when Charli said that while she was “really grateful” to open for Swift’s 2018 Reputation Stadium Tour, she felt she was ”getting up onstage and waving to 5-year-olds.” 

Following an online backlash, Charli clarified that she was more used to playing 18+ clubs, and performing at an all-ages venue was “a new kind of energy.” 

Swift’s move to extend TTPD’s run at the top of the UK charts while denying Charli a no. 1 debut drew the ire of some critics who saw it as petty. Swift’s announcement said it was to commemorate the start of the U.K. leg of the Eras Tour. I’m willing to give Swift the benefit of the doubt. No offense to Charli, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Swift didn’t consider brat as competition at all. 

But, she apparently thought Hit Me Hard and Soft was. 

At first, it was odd to see Swift compete with Billie Eilish so openly for the No. 1 spot. They’re technically on the same team. Swift is on Republic Records, and Eilish is on Interscope; both labels fall under the Universal Music Group umbrella. There was no fear of potentially splitting the audience since all the money went to the same pocket.

After vanquishing Eilish and winning a fifth consecutive week on top, Swift^TM took the victory as approval to be as explicitly open about maintaining TTPD’s reign. Swift began to sell limited edition CD versions of TTPD, each coming with a different acoustic version of an album track: “But Daddy I Love Him,” “Guity as Sin?,” “Down Bad,” “Fortnight,” and “Fresh Out of The Slammer.” 

I think this tipped her hand to the true motivation behind all these variants. Sales still matter in the streaming era. One album sale (10 tracks minimum) is the equivalent of 3,750 ad-supported streams or 1,250 streams from a paid/subscription streaming account. That Swiftie who paid $18 for the three “first draft voice memos” versions of TTPD did as much work as listening to 11,250 streams on their free Spotify account.

While Swift^TM is all about money—the music industry is still an industry, after all—it’s gauche if Swift was being greedy. The woman’s a Forbes-certified billionaire. Her Eras Tour is the most profitable tour in history. Hell, there could be a sequel to the corresponding concert film, which made $260 million at the worldwide box office. She doesn’t need the cash, right?

That’s why it was so disconcerting to see the mask fall and the industry do what it could to ensure her album stayed No. 1. It felt desperate, and at this point, Taylor Swift should be beyond desperation. But I think both Swift and the machine around her know the party is coming to an end.

On June 24, TTPD scored its ninth consecutive week atop the Billboard 200. Early predictions that Luke Combs’ Fathers & Sons would displace it turned out wrong. If TTPD completes three full months (12 weeks) at No. 1, it would be the longest streak of her career—even more than Fearless and 1989. If TTPD dominates for a month after that (15+ weeks total), it’ll replace Stevie Wonder’s Songs in the Key Of Life as the album with the longest streak atop the Billboard 200 after debuting at No. 1.

Reports of the poet’s death are greatly exaggerated.

I thought The Tortured Poets Department was going to be a flop.

There was no indication of what this album would be like outside of the Kirkland-brand French New Wave photographs used for the album artwork. There was no lead single, no snippet on Instagram, nothing.

Suspicions of a potential flop increased when the album leaked. Swifites panicked over what they heard. The production was mid. The lyrics didn’t bite. The album fixated on Swift’s romance with Healy and offered little insight into her six-year relationship with Joe Alwyn.

But the 2 a.m. release of The Anthology, the Aaron Dessner-helmed second half of this project, calmed fans' fears. The production was better and the songs were stronger. Swifties could forgive the first half. Peace was restored. But the threat of a flop still loomed.

Many critics praised it. Others were harsh in their appraisals. Stereogum said its songs are “simply not strong enough to support the weight of all that fucking storyline” of her personal life woven throughout the album. “It’s starting to feel like the lore is all we have. It’s not enough.”

“Fortnight,” the sleepy lead single featuring Post Malone, debuted at No. 1, but as a Swiftie told me, Swift’s camp picks the worst songs as singles. This was true: the tune had only enough oomph to stay at No. 1 for two weeks until Kendrick Lamar bounced it out of the top spot.

Malone’s high-energy collab with Morgan Wallen (“I Had Some Help”) took over a week later, and it’s been there ever since, enjoying country music’s radio infrastructure generating numbers that easily trump streaming.

Swift’s prior album to TTPD was Midnights, a return from her COVID-inspired cottagecore detour (Folklore, Evermore) that resumed the Jack Antonoff-orchestrated pop she unfurled with 2019’s Lover. Midnights sold 1.4 million equivalent units in its first week and won the Grammy for Album of the Year, but critics gave it mixed reviews, often emphasizing the “Mid” in its title.

The RIAA certified Midnights as double Platinum a month after its release, but it was not a tour de force on the charts. Midnights spent five nonconcurrent weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard 200. Its initial run at the top was first interrupted by Drake and 21 Savage’s Her Loss for one week before it resumed the position. Metro Boomin’s Heroes and Villains kicked Midnights out of the top spot for the final time (though it continued to sell well; it’s currently at No. 25 as I write this).

TTPD was going to debut at No. 1. With the mass mania whipped up by her Eras Tour and how ubiquitous she’s become, how could it not?  But it still could flop, especially if it fell out of the top spot after a month. God forbid if it was gone from the Top 10 before June.

If that happened, the glowering praise heaped upon TTPD might ring false. The success of the Eras Tour could be attributed to nostalgia, to fans wanting to hear the old songs and not the new ones. The idea of winning back-to-back AOTY Grammys would evaporate. It could shatter the perception that Swift is infallible.

I’d wager that Swift’s camp braced for the worst. We saw how Midnights fared. Going further, 2020’s folklore debuted at No. 1 with 846k equivalent album sales and spent six straight weeks at the top spot. folklore hit the top two more times, ending with seven nonconcurrent weeks at No. 1. 

Evermore, released in December 2020, debuted at No. 1 but with just 329k units—an enviable number for any artist, but less than half what folklore did months earlier. The album spent two initial weeks at that spot, returned for a third week at the start of 2021, and scored its fourth and final week at No. 1in June.

Lover suffered worse than that. It debuted at No. 1 with 867k album units, but Tool’s Fear Inoculum knocked it out of the spot the following week. Post Malone’s Hollywood’s Bleeding took over the top spot, and a series of new releases stopped Lover from gaining any ground. 

By the end of 2019, Harry Styles’ Fine Line was on top, while Lover had fallen out of the Top 10. Similarly, reputation stayed just three weeks at No. 1 after debuting at the top spot. It picked up a fourth week, but it was out of the Top 10 three months after its release.

Swift couldn’t have a repeat of that. That’s how we ended up with six digital variants of TTPD around the first week of HMHAS. Eilish’s album was the only legitimate threat to TTPD having a healthy run at No. 1—the only one who could hit the ball hard enough to break through the wall. 

So her camp did what it had to.

I imagine when The Tortured Poets Department fended off Hit Me Hard and Soft, sounds of champagne bottles popping (and executives sighing their relief) coming from Swift’s camp— along with that sound of the tennis ball hitting the wall, as the barricade defending the biggest star in the world held.

Taylor Swift has it all—money, accolades, love, and respect—but she didn’t have a dominating run on the Billboard 200 in a decade. TTPD gave her that. It also maintained the perception that she is unquestionably the best in the world remains. And that makes sense.

The machine couldn’t risk that image shattering—not this close to the finish line.

December 8 is the final date of the Eras Tour. Five days after she concludes her history-making, record-breaking world tour, Taylor Swift turns 35. 

I can’t speak for Taylor Swift’s mentality. But if there’s anything I know about 35, is that it’s a transitional age. You’re now closer to your 40s than your 20s, and you feel that. Attitudes shift. Priorities change.

When she celebrates her birthday this year, Swift will have been on the road for two years. I’m guessing she’s tired. She may want to stop working out excessively. She may want to sleep in. She may want to drink wine again. She might want to try acting again. Maybe she wants to start her own label? Hell, she could take a page out of boyfriend Travis Kelce’s book and run her own festival. She could expand into fashion or beauty or anything. She may want just to go away and do nothing.

That last part scares the machine. Is Swift going away? What about all the money?

Something else about Swift’s upcoming birthday: Millennials will be around 28-43 at the end of 2024; Gen Z will range from 12 to 27. Assuming Swift doesn’t take an extended hiatus, she’ll release an album of new material in either 2026 or 2027. By that point, the youngest Gen Z Swiftie will be 14, while Swift’s youngest millennial fan will be 30.

Swift’s fanbase is growing up, which usually indicates a growing out. Attitudes shift. Priorities change.

Imagine the thoughts crawling at the back of all the executives’ minds as Dec. 8 gets closer. Will they still pay a thousand dollars to see a concert? Will they still make friendship bracelets? Will they still buy all four vinyl variants? Will they still pay $100 for a sweater? Will they still stream the album ten times within the first twelve hours?

Swift knows this too. She’s smart. And she’s very keen on how the public perceives her. If she goes on a break after a massively successful album, she’s riding off into the sunset triumphantly instead of retreating.

That’s one reason I think her camp made sure TTPD stayed No.1 for as long as it could. When she comes back, she will be a hero returning to her fans, not as a failure looking to redeem herself after a misstep.

Of course, it’s a bit premature. And there are the last two Taylor’s Versions to sell.

Swift’s revenge plot on Scooter Braun has been quite lucrative. Vowing to re-record the first six albums that Braun’s Ithaca Holdings acquired when it bought her former label (Big Machine Label Group) in 2019, Swift’s Taylor’s Version series has not only secured her the rights to her music: it’s made her even richer.

Every night, when Swift played something from Red, Fearless, or reputation, it was a commercial, a reminder to pick up or stream Taylor’s Versions of those when fans got home.

It’s funny, though: in April 2020, Swift mocked Braun and his backers for releasing the Live from Clear Channel Stripped 2008 album. “[They] realized that paying $330 million [for her masters] wasn’t exactly a wise choice,” she wrote on Instagram. Three years later, when Forbes listed Swift as a billionaire, Bloomberg reported that Swift’s music catalog was worth an estimated $400 million. Ithaca Holding’s price wasn’t far off the mark.

Swift has two more entries in the Taylor’s Version series: her self-titled debut and reputation. The latter was once regarded, until The Tortured Poets Department, as her least successful album.

It’s also an album born out of Swift’s celebrity, released a year after a well-documented feud with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. In Time’s Person of the Year feature, Swift describes the clash as a “fully manufactured frame job,” one where Kardashian allegedly attempted to paint her “as a liar.”

Reputation was a reaction to a moment when the public’s perception of Swift shifted in a way that she didn’t like and was out of her control. Yes, lore was always a prime component in Swift’s songwriting. But where certain songs are about boyfriend-specific heartbreak, reputation was an album riddled with imagery about her struggles with celebrity and perception.  It seems this was a point in Swift’s story where the external conflicts got equal footing with the music.

reputation is clearly near to Swift’s heart.

In her 2020 documentary, Miss Americana, Swift is visually disappointed when reputation didn’t get nominated in any of the “Big Four” categories at the 2018 Grammys. She spoke about it at length in her 2023 Time profile. There’s been a dedicated reputation section on the Eras Tour. Swift even revisited the Kardashian-related drama that birthed reputation with “thanK you aIMee,” a song off of TTPD’s second half, The Anthology. 

reputation will likely be the next Taylor’s Version album, with her self-titled album saved for last.

And maybe that’s one reason why Swift wanted TTPD to be No. 1 for so long. I think she wanted the image of longevity, that TTPD has resonated with her fans beyond the initial week. She wanted the music to be considered alongside the other gold stars in her discography. It would be justice for reputation. TTPD’s success is reputation’s success deferred.

As for success, Billie Eilish probably doesn’t care about Hit Me Hard and Soft’s chart numbers. She shouldn’t, anyway.

She’s experienced an unfathomable amount of success at an early age. I can imagine there’s some pressure—internal, external, and industrial—to maintain that success. But she went up against the wall protecting the music industry’s biggest star. If Eilish realizes she can be creatively successful without having to be No. 1 all the time, good for her.

Plus, her upcoming world tour is nearly sold out. “Lunch” is a banger. “Birds of a Feather” is making moves on the Hot 100 as I write this. Billie Eilish is going to be fine.

Charli XCX may have broken through to a new level of fame by admitting her star’s limitations.

“I used to never think about Billboard / But, now, I've started thinking again / Wondering 'bout whether I think I deserve commercial success,” she sings on “rewind.” Later on “I might say something stupid,” she notes how she’s “famous but not quite / but I’m perfect for the background.”  

Charli won’t be relegated to the background anymore. Brat made her an icon in the hearts and minds of the kind of people she wanted to understand it. Plus, they’re busy spray-painting her name in lowercase letters on walls around the world.

If Billie wanted to be No. 1, she could have released three more vinyl/CD versions of HMHAS, each with 1-2 bonus tracks. Charli could have dropped a remixed version of brat, with Atlantic Records working its magic to secure a few A-list features. 

But is that what they want?

Taylor Swift wants to be No. 1. “She’s told me so many times that she wants it more than anyone. And how amazing - she’s getting exactly what she wants,” Lana Del Rey told the BBC about her friend. “She’s driven, and I think it’s really paid off.”

As the recent Taylor Swift vs. Scooter Braun docuseries highlighted, Swift’s initial success was due to her relatability. She was a teenager writing for fellow teenagers. She was the big sister, the confidant, and the best friend translating life experiences into songs in real time. Those fans who connected with her grew up with her, creating one of the strongest parasocial bonds between artist and audience in music history.

Swift is clearly hardworking and dedicated to her craft. She has put in the time, energy, and effort to reach this peak. 

This is why it was so distasteful to see her blatantly interfere with Eilish, another artist who similarly speaks to her generation. Like Swift, Eilish is growing up in the public eye and putting her anxieties, successes, pains, and joys into music that connects with her age group.

 Why take away a little bit of Eilish’s shine? Especially for an album seemingly written about falling too hard for a guy described as a “tattooed golden retriever.” If such is the case, and Eilish’s off-the-cuff comments prompted Swift to pull this stunt, it speaks more to Billie’s power than Taylor’s. 

I think Swift knows this level of superstardom will come to an end, leaving behind a lasting image. I think she’s trying to curate one that says: Taylor Swift is the biggest star in the world. She is the girl who got everything she ever wanted and will live happily ever after.

And that’s how it will be. For now. Images fade. Even with the machine’s help, no one stays on top forever.

“Fortnight” keeps slipping down the Hot 100. Sabrina Carpenter’s “Please Please Please” just reached No.1, and she’s got another in the Top 5. Chappell Roan’s The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess has climbed to No. 8, and Jack Antonoff has already followed her on Instagram.

The machine is already making moves. It has seen the writing on the wall. 

This has been Open Up and Read: Weekend Edition, featuring longer, in-depth articles from music journalist Jason Brow. If you like what you read, tell your friends and consider tossing a few dollars his way via Ko-Fi. Be kind to cats. Music is the best.

A special thanks to SW, KV, CL, and MH—-my proofreaders and editors— who helped guide this piece to completion.